10 Things I Shouldn't Know
by When The Sun Goes Down
Summary: Favourite Worst Nightmares Series: # 1. AU. Post Battle of Hogwarts. Voldemort and the Death Eaters won. Harry's POV. 10 things Harry shouldn't know.


**10 Things I Shouldn't Know**

By: When The Sun Goes Down

Disclaimer: I don't own HP.

Warnings: coarse language, slash, sexual content, non-con (rape), and mature subject matter.

Summary: Favourite Worst Nightmares Series: #1. AU. Post Battle of Hogwarts. Voldemort and the Death Eaters won. Harry's POV. 10 things Harry shouldn't know.

A/N: Hey, it's me again. I wanted to get something out for the New Year and I haven't finished 5RWC yet so here you go. This is the first story in a series called Favourite Worst Nightmares and there will be 2 more stories after this. Basically, it's my take on the AU concept of: what would happen if Voldemort won, but didn't kill Harry? That will be the only unifying fact in each of the stories. The next 2 will be taking a look at what happened to Neville and Ginny. And if Phil Pullman can use a line from Milton's epic for the title of his series (His Dark Materials is from Paradise Lost) then I can use a line from an Arctic Monkeys song (D is For Dangerous. Favourite Worst Nightmare is also the name of their 2nd album) for the title of my series. Anyways, on with the story. R & R plez. XD

1. I shouldn't know how to kill someone with my bare hands. Using a wand is one thing, like using a gun. You can hide behind it and separate yourself from the act. Just take aim and fire. But plunging a dagger into a stomach or squeezing your hands around a neck is something different. The look of shock, the speechless mouth, the smell of blood, the feel of a life; slowly fading in your hands. That is something I know too well.

2. I shouldn't know what a decomposing body smells like. I've seen people die right in front of me before, but I never saw their bodies after the funerals. Never saw what happened to them in the ground. But now I have. Looking at one is one thing. Inferi are rotting bodies, but they don't seem to continue to decompose after they've been re-animated by magic. Frozen in time in a sense, but without the smell. That stench hits your nose like a punch and consumes your mind. I threw up the first time I smelt one, even though I had nothing in my stomach. That doesn't happen anymore. Unfortunately, it's a smell I've begun to grow used to.

3. I shouldn't know what Hogwarts looks like. What it's become. A fortress and a prison. Inside and out. Transformed into something it wasn't meant to be. Something it shouldn't be. Something I could've stopped it from being.

4. I shouldn't know what their screams sounded like. Ron and Hermione's when he forced me to kill them. The pleading, the begging, the anger, the hate, the love, the anguish, the fall of dead weight. I still have nightmares about them, but they're not the only things I have nightmares about anymore.

5. I shouldn't know what someone else's blood tastes like. Especially when it's being poured into me by an unforgiving mouth. One that only lets up when it wants to taste my own.

6. I shouldn't know what a lead feels like. Not when it's tied around my neck, tight enough to remind but not enough to choke. A few mere millimetres separating the difference. It may be invisible, but it never ceases to humiliate and control. They snicker when we walk by, watching him stringing me along like a disobedient little puppy. Forced to walk two steps behind his master.

7. I shouldn't know what excruciating pain feels like when it's dealt out in daily doses. Whether it's for fun or misbehaviour it still hurts. I tried to shut it out, but it always rams back in. Now I give in. I don't try to keep silent or still cause it doesn't work and will only make him try harder. Plus, it's impossible when you're already too weak to stand on your own two feet and face him like the man you were. Taunting always makes it worse. So much worse.

8. I shouldn't know what dew filled grass feels like against my back while he fucks into the forest floor. Grinning down at me as I scream in pain. I can hardly move with all of his weight bearing down on me and every ragged breath I take makes me want to gag. I've grown hard, even though I don't want to be and he begins to fondle me as he leans down towards my ear. "If he would only let me bite you you could be my mate forever. Would you like that pup? Just you and me together. Both forms, beneath the stars. Hunting and roaming the forest forever. Nobody but us. Wouldn't that be lovely?" he whispers, as I come with a rasping scream. He grunts his release and falls on top of me, fast asleep. I don't have the strength to push him off of me anymore. Nor do I have the will.

9. I shouldn't know what his voice sounded like when he finally won. Not just the battle, not just the war, not just the world, but me. Finally won over me. Body, mind, and soul. All of it his. When he claimed me on the castle wall. Victorious and joyful. Triumphant and mocking. While he humiliated me in front of everyone. Smiling as he came inside of me. His laughter full of excitement as I dropped to the floor. Attempting to glare at him in anger like the hero I was supposed to be.

10. I shouldn't know that this is how the rest of my life is going to be. Any hope I had of a better future left me when he defeated me. It left the world when that happened too. So now I'm stuck in this perpetual state of slavery. Forced to do anything and everything for him. The man I spent a lifetime trying to destroy has finally destroyed me. Once and for all.


End file.
